Last night wrapped another season of the TV show, Survivor and three things struck me:
- I realized I’d just finished watching three of the biggest idiots ever to play the game. (Which makes for compelling TV–always need a villain in the story, right?)
- None of these idiots knew they were the villain. They believed their cruel, misogynistic, degrading manner was not only justified, there was no problem with the way they treated others. (Again, in the world of story, the most compelling villains believe what they’d doing is right.)
- The villains in my life also have no clue their behavior is toxic, or demeaning, or life-depleting, or unkind, or utterly selfish. (I’m specifically thinking of people I am forced for one reason or another to remain in relationship with.)
I’ve come to realize (or maybe accept is the better word) that some people simply have no capacity for self-awareness. Even when the mirror is held up to their face (as was the case with Survivor where the players watched themselves and the other’s reactions to their poor behavior) they can’t see where they were wrong.
What About Me?
I’m not saying I don’t have blind spots. I have been the villain to people at times in my life. But since I’m not a fan of false humility, I will tell you that when Darci or another friend points out one of my blind spots, I take a hard look, and I change.
Here’s My Takeaway
Years ago a speaker said, “… the way people treat you is the way they feel about themselves.”
He was right. I’ve seen this played out for thirty five years.
This helps me have compassion for, and give grace to, the villains in my life. Why? Because I only have to deal with them for 20 or 30 hours a year. They have to live with themselves every moment.
My heart goes out to them. So I choose to love as much as Jesus gives me the capacity to do so.
But wow, some of them would make AMAZING villains on Survivor!
Written by Andrew S